NY Times – Sex in Care Homes
Sex and sexuality are so key to who we are that it cannot be correct to deny this to the elderly. For people who should enjoy their lives to the fullest human contact is paramount.
Many years ago I had regular interactions with a lovely lady whom I will name Emily. She has passed away now but was exceedingly positive and jolly in life. Her cognitive abilities were quite decreased and she relied on visual stimuli to determine her reality. As a result she would often be found sat next to, and arm in arm with ‘Fred’. I asked staff during one visit whether Fred was her husband. One carer laughed and said ‘Fred? He’s one of them’. It turned out that Fred, whilst even less cognitively able, was appropriately husband like and assumed the role quite happily. This primarily happened in the lounge where they would happen upon each other most days. Whilst upstairs or in other areas, the most suitable male would do. This did of course spill over into bedrooms to a degree. This was a pleasant but not particularly progressive care home so sexual congress was always interrupted and avoided. Of course one can understand that families of those in the care home would not have been appreciative of the sexual proclivities of their loved reletives and sadly the care business will usually defer to those paying for the clients eprather than the clients themselves.
I understand that comprehension and sexuality can create exceedingly complex situations for us all to understand and cope with. But who are we to deny people something so essential and potentially joyful.